Culture
The Month of Decibel in Colombia
040 days
by Tom Germain
in Culture
I have been away from Medellin since November, due to return in January. While I miss my wife and child, I’m not sure if I miss this time of the year in Colombia, which is sheer mayhem!
Fireworks over Medellin. Photo by Daniel Echeverri
It starts November 30th, when the skies over the entire Aburra valley erupts into a scene from Bagdad circa 1991. Fireworks explode continuously wherever you look, and thousands of hot air balloons zip across a thousand feet up. Christmas means pyrotechnics in Colombia, even if prohibited, and holiday celebrations go from November 30th till the first week of January. During this time, people will light up a prodigious amount of fireworks, including giant firecrackers which resonate like dynamite and could blow your hand off (as happens a dozen times as year to careless kids). Now, we all like fireworks, but sleep is difficult if not impossible at this time of year!
To be fair, some cities, Bogota in particular, have managed to curtail the sale and usage of illegal fireworks, but the bylaws in Medellin seem to have made no difference. Everybody in the area knows of the costly fires caused by hot air balloons falling into buildings, such as the Exito (the big department store chain) warehouse which burned to the ground a few years ago, and everybody knows of dozens of people seriously injured every year, but a certain segment of this society cannot be deprived of the pleasure of blowing things up for Jesus and the Virgin!
Also during this time of the year, every neighbor seems to be competing to make the noisiest party. Our gated community’s security gave up long ago trying to get anybody to respect the curfew, so on they go, sound systems blaring all night long in their parking area or outdoor patio, causing windows to rattle in our unit. The worst part is that they love to sing along with their favorite songs, invariably way off key! My wife is at wit’s end from lack of proper rest. I suggested she go clanging pots and pans during the day when the perpetrators slumber, but I suspect that would not bother them in the least! The freezing temperatures I am currently enduring in Canada do not seem so bad in comparison!
December is also the month for the “alumbrados” across the valley. These are the most spectacular arrangements of millions of Christmas lights you will see anywhere, organized by the municipalities themselves. I cannot deny that this in itself is worth a visit to Medellin, but if you do go, forget about sleeping unless you are normally a party zombie anyway!
A Lesson in Paisa Speak
069 days
by Tom Germain
in Culture
So, you think you’re fluent in Spanish? That’s nice, but just like someone from New Jersey might have a little trouble understanding the speech of someone from Jersey, the Channel island, or vice-versa, you might need a helping hand in grasping the Spanish dialect spoken in Medellin, Perreira or Manizales.
The “Paisa” version of Spanish bears some resemblance to the Castellano of Argentina. They use the vos instead of “tu”, and veni instead of “ven”, for example, but the many uniquely Argentine words and expressions are absent as is their peculiar enunciation (such as the Argentine ll sounding more like a sh). Paisas speak rapidly, at the tip of the lips, truncating many words, particularly those ending in ‘ado‘.
Here’s a short guide on some of the words and expressions you will hear frequently and what they mean…
Q’hubo? (sounds like “Kee oo-bo”): This is a common greeting, simply means “what’s new?”.
Estas amañao? (Aye-stass ah-mah-gnah-oh?): This will be asked of you by new people you meet. They mean “amañado”, or simply if you’re happy here (in Colombia). Of course, you should always answer enthusiastically “Siii, me gusta mucho!”
Que pecao! (Kay pay-cow!) : They mean to say “que pecado“, or “what a sin“. The real meaning is “what a shame“, usually to express pity or empathy.
Culi- cagao / cagada (Coolie- caw-gow / cah-ga-da) : They mean “culo cagado“, meaning “shit filled ass!” Strangely this is not a vulgar expression and is commonly used to say child or children.
Pa’ (pah) : A mangled version of the word “para“.
Comida (Co-mee-dah) : You think they mean “food“, but they might be talking about dinner. Breakfast is still “desayuno” and lunch is still “almuerzo“, luckily!
Ahorita (Ah-o-ree-tah) : You may know this is a dimunitive of “ahora“, meaning “now“, but what they really mean is “later“. This one had me standing like a fool waiting for something to happen until I caught on! Unless they say “ahora mismo“, don’t hold your breath!
Mono : I get this one all the time. “Hey mono!“. They’re not calling me a monkey! They mean “blond“, although you’ll often hear someone affectionately calling a dark haired friend “mono“, which is simply Colombian humor!
A la orden : You’ll hear this in shops. It simply means “at your service“.
Cancelar (Can-cell-ar) : This one confused the heck out of me initially. They mean “pay for it“.
iñora (ignore-ah) : They just mean to say “señora“, or “lady“, not ignore!
Buseta (Boo-say-tah): The bus. Public transport tends to be mostly via small, colorful buses, some of which are mere mini vans.
Rumbiar (Room-bee-ar) : To go out, to party. They do a lot of that!
Arriero (R-ee-aye-ro) : The traditional peasant with his donkey.
Parcero (Par-cey-ro) : Buddy, friend. Short form of this is “parce”.
Guache (Goo-ah-tchey) : rude or vulgar person.
Chimba (tcheem-bah) : swear word, like saying “shit!” — don’t use!
Me cayo gordo! (Mey Caw-yo gore-doh) : Basically means “I can’t stand him!”
Guevon / guevona (Goo-ay- von / von-ah) : idiot.
Chevere (Tchay-vay-ray) : Cool, fun. This is also used in the rest of Colombia and in Venezuela.
Bacano / a (Bah-Caw- no / nah): Really good / cool.
Carro (Caw-ro) : Vehicle. In other Latin-American countries it might be “coche” while carro is a carriage, but in Colombia, coche is a carriage!
Saco : Coat or cardigan.
Cola : Derriere. In the restaurant, don’t ask for a cola, but rather a Coca-Cola, or just coca!
Bomba : Not a bomb, but rather the gas station or the gas pump.
Pichar (Pee-tchar) : vulgar, for the act of having sex.
Conchudo / a (Con-tchoo- do / dah) : A person who shamelessly takes advantage of others.
There’s many more, of course, but I reckon that will be for a follow-up article.
It’s a Boy…No, it’s a Girl…No, it’s…
0142 days
by Tom Germain
in Culture
On an episode of the hit comedy Modern Family, Gloria, played by Colombia native Sofia Vergara, has her stepson’s adopted baby daughter’s ears pierced. The girl’s parents, a gay couple, gasp in horror and cry out that she’s mutilated their baby. The joke is based on the Colombian tradition that all girls have their ears pierced at birth. That is, except my own daughter, which has led to absurd reactions from our fellow citizens…
“Is it a girl?” or “how old is he?” we get asked almost every day, people seeming to be oblivious to the strong visual clues provided by our daughter’s feminine attire. She’s wearing a dress with plenty of pink and the word “Princess” splashed across the front, cute little pumps on her feet, and even ribbons in her hair and yet they’re still unable to ascertain that she’s female. They don’t see the mandatory earrings, so to them that must mean she’s a he. My wife and I try not to respond with sarcasm, although it’s a strong temptation. We do wonder, however, what they make of men who wear earrings?
Yes, I expressed my dissent when the women in my extended family insisted that my little girl’s ears be pierced. I guess I was haunted by thoughts of those momzillas who give their daughters’ the appearance of tiny hussies for the purposes of absurd beauty contests! My kid will get her ears pierced when she herself decides, if at all!
Colombia has Coca Everywhere!
0181 days
by Tom Germain
in Culture
You would think “coca” would be a dirty word in Colombia, a country which has paid a heavy toll as a result of the drug. However, I hear “coca” with frequency…
People order a “coca” with their lunch.
Hand me the “coca” means give me the tupperware with the leftover lunch.
“cocada” is a popular coconut and panela (sugar cane) treat after lunch.
If it’s the white powder, do not speak its name!
Oh Say, Can you See…your Feet?
4363 days
by Tom Germain
in Culture
Whenever I fly back to the United States or Canada, the first thing that I notice is not how much more affluent it is out here, but rather how fat people are: Severely obese folks, Botero style, not merely just plump, are abundant. In Colombia, my host country, I might see one such person a year.
Photo by Emilio Labrador
There’s a host of well known reasons why North Americans are so ample, including a bad diet and a lack of physical activity. A home cooked meal is more often than not something microwavable from the frozen foods section of a supermarket, or scooped-out from a can. In contrast, a typical Colombian family shops for fresh ingredients and cook their own meals from scratch, and only eat at restaurants on special occasions, when the meal likely consists of traditional dishes rather than fast food. They also generally eat small portions, and while sodas are popular, they’ll drink a small glass of it, not a quart. This is how it is, and not just in Colombia, but in most of the world, except the USA and Canada, where the supermarket has three aisles of frozen foods and one just for sodas and another for candy bars and snacks. Add to that a life of lethargy, where everything is drive thru, and you get what you get. Big department stores offer electric scooters, presumably for elderly and physically challenged customers, but it seems that most who use them seem to be neither old nor disabled, just overweight. If putting one foot in front of the other is an arduous task, should that not be a reason enough to panic and completely change one’s lifestyle? I remember a time not so long ago when people would guiltily admit that they had gained a couple pounds over the holidays, but now they add on 30, 50, 100 pounds and keep going until it becomes mission impossible to turn back the tide. A full length mirror should be mandatory in every North American home, as I can’t imagine anyone seeing their rapidly growing waistline and thinking it’s fine.
Whatever happened to “keep America beautiful”? There’s one silver lining for me in this tragedy: when I’m up here, thanks to the panorama of hanging, giggling flesh before my eyes, I totally distrust North American food and constantly mindful of what I put in my mouth! But I won’t feel safe till I get back to the so-called third world where food is still respected!
Colombian Peso Exchange Rate
